Random: September 2003 Archives

New Flavour! South African Spam!

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Not terribly interesting, but because the guy said "You will also ignore this letter and respect our trust in you by not exposing this transaction, even if you are not interested." I feel obliged to expose away.

Really, people still fall for this shit?

Dumbasses.


From: Jeff Maluleke
Attorney at Law
South - Africa

Dear Friend,

My greetings to you and your family and I hope this letter meets you in good health. I hope my letter does not cause you too much embarrassment as I write to you in good faith based on the contact details given to me by a friend who works at the South African Embassy in your country. Please excuse my intrusion into your private life.

I am Barrister Jeff Maluleke, I represent Winnie Madikizela Mandela, former anti-apartheid campaigner and wife of ex-South African President, Nelson Mandela. My client has been losing a lot of money due to vindictive government officials who are bent on dealing with her. Based on this therefore, she has asked me to look for a foreign partner who can work with us so as to move out the total sum of US$22,000,000 (Twenty Two Million US Dollars) presently in her possession. This money was of course acquired by my client and is now secretly in her possession. The bid by some government officials to deal with my client has made it necessary we seek your assistance in receiving this money and investing it on our behalf.

This must be a joint venture transaction and we must all work together. Since this money is in cash, extra security measures have been taken to protect it from theft or seizure pending when agreement is reached on when and how to move it to you. I have personally worked out all modalities for the peaceful conclusion of this transaction.

My client is willing to give you a reasonable percentage of this money as soon as the transaction is concluded. It will however be based on the ground that you are willing to work with us and also all contentious issues discussed before the commencement of this transaction. You may also discuss your percentage before we start to work. As soon as I hear from you, I will give you all necessary details as to how we intend to carry out the whole transaction.

Please do not entertain any fears, as all necessary modalities are in place and I assure you of all success and safety in this transaction.

Please this transaction requires absolute confidentiality and you will be expected to treat it as such until the funds are moved out of this country. Kindly furnish me your contact information which is your personal telephone and fax numbers for confidential purpose and acknowledge receipt of this mail through this email address.

You will also ignore this letter and respect our trust in you by not exposing this transaction, even if you are not interested.

I look forward to working with you.

Truly yours,

Jeff Maluleke Esq.

Mangled Spam?

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I'm deleting my spam to my work email account. Apparently over the weekend,
Mauricio Mathews needed to contact me about "RE:erect Hoooo dt ounzj" while Mary Eastman felt that "canvssback earrieg lzvfp wjyyrje" would be something I'd be interested in. (And Maude Gamble writes me "Melt Away Body Fat while you are sleeping fm". BOOORING!!!)

"Anguished English"

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I just got an email at work that included this announcement:

"{Name omitted} will handle stock gift transactions for the General Fund on a go-forward basis."

And it made me wonder: just when did standard business English get fucked up so badly?

I was so tempted to write back and ask, "So does that mean that she'll be handling stock gift transactions for the General Fund from now on?"

Maybe I just need more coffee. (Or less!)

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This page is a archive of entries in the Random category from September 2003.

Random: August 2003 is the previous archive.

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